Sunday, February 19, 2012
Reading for Today
Finished another book today. Thought it was gonna be a good one, but not so much. It was a little book on criminalogy, and I was a little disappointed. All it talked about really was fingerprinting. This book did not turn me into Sherlock Holmes, so now I'm a little mad.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
This Going in the book Too.
(This is going in the book too, pending some editing of course)
A Letter to My Daughter
Its entirely likely that you might not think very highly of me. Granted, I’m not a perfect man, by any stretch of the imagination. There maybe was a time when I might’ve even considered myself at least a good man, but I really don’t anymore. I’m just a guy, with more failings than I would’ve imagined, or thought possible. I was hoping to give you some pearls of wisdom, but lets be honest. I’m not sure you’re really ready for them right now, and I’m not sure I’m particularly all that wise anyway. You are only three right now, so we’re still kind of beginning somewhat, you as a child, and me as a parent.
I know you’ll make your own decisions in life, marriage, career, family, faith, and everything, and somehow I’m supposed to help you prepare for all that. That’s really kind of laughable though if you think about it. I’ve failed at everything I’ve ever done, and failed as a man more times than I count. The only thing I can really do is show you how to pick somebody that’s not like me. The silly thing about this is, probably by the time you read this, hopefully I’ve shown how to avoid ending up like me, and finding somebody that will really care about you, and look out for you.
I have loved you since I first saw your little heart light up in that ultrasound. You looked like a gummy bear that was glowing in the dark, or something. It was one of the most amazing things I’d ever seen in my life. Seeing you born topped that of course, you were just this tiny little person, I had never been around somebody so small before. I guess I kind of took on a roll as your protector from that moment on. Its so weird how in a split second you become a defender of somebody, who just suddenly appeared all of a sudden.
Being your dad, has turned me into something I didn’t know I could be. I had suddenly become your protector and defender. I think that comes with looking out for someone smaller than you, and really from seeing your child face to face for the first time. So I thank you, for having such a massive impact, that words are only occasionally able to express properly. Having a child come into the world is one of the single greatest things that can happen to you. There is nothing but unimaginable happiness, and tremendous worry at making sure that someone so fragile is protected and looked after. Its sort of a feeling that stays with you, even as I grow older, and as you do too.
I remember that I wanted to be the first to hold your hand. And somewhere in there, you grabbed my finger with your little hand. You had the most pitiful sounding crying too. Every time I hear you cry, it makes me want to cry too. Anyway you’ve really started the process of leaving being a small baby, to being a toddler, and little lady. It’s a joy to be your daddy, and a delight to see you with this boundless energy that you have, and pass on to others.
I suppose I’m really writing this with two different times in mind. The one now where you’re still just kind of starting on life in many ways, and the time down the road, where you’re learning to drive, and going to college, or something, and looking to do what it is you feel God called you to do. I’m hoping that I’m doing what I can to prepare you for life. So I guess we’ll see how it goes. In life you will find people who will love you, and people who will try to destroy you, but you will always have your daddy in your corner to defend, and help you through whatever decisions you make.
I am not a perfect man, and hope I will have done my best in raising you. But for now you’re just a three year old, still new to life in many ways. And I just wanted to tell you that whatever comes your way, I love you.
Love,
Daddy.
A Letter to My Daughter
Its entirely likely that you might not think very highly of me. Granted, I’m not a perfect man, by any stretch of the imagination. There maybe was a time when I might’ve even considered myself at least a good man, but I really don’t anymore. I’m just a guy, with more failings than I would’ve imagined, or thought possible. I was hoping to give you some pearls of wisdom, but lets be honest. I’m not sure you’re really ready for them right now, and I’m not sure I’m particularly all that wise anyway. You are only three right now, so we’re still kind of beginning somewhat, you as a child, and me as a parent.
I know you’ll make your own decisions in life, marriage, career, family, faith, and everything, and somehow I’m supposed to help you prepare for all that. That’s really kind of laughable though if you think about it. I’ve failed at everything I’ve ever done, and failed as a man more times than I count. The only thing I can really do is show you how to pick somebody that’s not like me. The silly thing about this is, probably by the time you read this, hopefully I’ve shown how to avoid ending up like me, and finding somebody that will really care about you, and look out for you.
I have loved you since I first saw your little heart light up in that ultrasound. You looked like a gummy bear that was glowing in the dark, or something. It was one of the most amazing things I’d ever seen in my life. Seeing you born topped that of course, you were just this tiny little person, I had never been around somebody so small before. I guess I kind of took on a roll as your protector from that moment on. Its so weird how in a split second you become a defender of somebody, who just suddenly appeared all of a sudden.
Being your dad, has turned me into something I didn’t know I could be. I had suddenly become your protector and defender. I think that comes with looking out for someone smaller than you, and really from seeing your child face to face for the first time. So I thank you, for having such a massive impact, that words are only occasionally able to express properly. Having a child come into the world is one of the single greatest things that can happen to you. There is nothing but unimaginable happiness, and tremendous worry at making sure that someone so fragile is protected and looked after. Its sort of a feeling that stays with you, even as I grow older, and as you do too.
I remember that I wanted to be the first to hold your hand. And somewhere in there, you grabbed my finger with your little hand. You had the most pitiful sounding crying too. Every time I hear you cry, it makes me want to cry too. Anyway you’ve really started the process of leaving being a small baby, to being a toddler, and little lady. It’s a joy to be your daddy, and a delight to see you with this boundless energy that you have, and pass on to others.
I suppose I’m really writing this with two different times in mind. The one now where you’re still just kind of starting on life in many ways, and the time down the road, where you’re learning to drive, and going to college, or something, and looking to do what it is you feel God called you to do. I’m hoping that I’m doing what I can to prepare you for life. So I guess we’ll see how it goes. In life you will find people who will love you, and people who will try to destroy you, but you will always have your daddy in your corner to defend, and help you through whatever decisions you make.
I am not a perfect man, and hope I will have done my best in raising you. But for now you’re just a three year old, still new to life in many ways. And I just wanted to tell you that whatever comes your way, I love you.
Love,
Daddy.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
I'm Not Sure What to Call This Yet
(this is a first draft, and a part of my book that's dedicated to my daughter)
I write this as somebody who's made more than his fair shar of colossal mistakes. I wouldn't claim to be perfect, and maybe for the first time in my life, I realize the full weight of those failures. And really the ones that were the biggest were ones that came to women. I'm being a huge hypocrite for writing this, and it would surprise me if I got hate mail after this, but here goes.
I'm made a list of every woman I've come in contact with, some good, some bad, and...I'll just leave it at that.
1. The southern belle who is feisty, yet classy
2. The southern belle who is worse than Scarlett O'Hara
3. The unbelieveable wonderful girl who gets cheated on when she's got everything going for her, and her boyfriend/husband was a complete jackass.
4. The cute office manager girl who is losing her looks because she's stressed out at work all the time
5. The less attractive friend of the girl that the guys normally chase.
6. The fake out girl. (I don't remember what this mean, but its on the list)
7. The girl who is always looking for some white knight, but is constantly disappointed
8. The stoner chick
9. The nerdy girl
10. The dirty blonde, who goes to lake, and listens to alternative rock
11. The pretty girl who know she's pretty
12. The conscending hot girl who feels she "has" to be nice
13. The hot girl is who is genuinely nice, but marries the lawyer, or the doctor, because she's supposed to be on the cover of a home, or gardening magazine.
14. The cute girl, who for some reason doesn't have a boyfriend
15. The single mom
16. The no-nonsense girl
17. The no-nonsense girl who is something like an egg, a hard shell that's easy to crack
18. The girl who tells dirty jokes
19. The stunningly beautiful woman isn't as unapproachable or unattainable as you might think
20. The seemingly all business girl who has a great sense of humor, and for some reason lets you flirt with her
21. The cougar
22. The older woman (this is different than a cougar, as a cougar seems to give the idea of a woman looking to devour a younger man
23. The psycho (I'd say more but some guys know what I'm talking about)
I think I've covered them all, or checked them out, or dated them, and the funny thing is I think I know what all you women are thinking. I just don't know what to do with the information. Of course that hasn't made stop trying to figure that out. In my life I have an ex-girlfriend, an ex-fiancee, and an ex-wife. I've made my share of mistakes, and I've seen better men than me try to find a lasting relationship with a woman, and so I announce to you what you should already know. Men are scum. We are sheep, vultures, and snakes. We will take advantage of you, lie to you, shall I continue?
I wish I could say we had somebody to teach us how to be gentlemen and what not, but most of the people I look up to are dead. Sadly, my generation has dropped the ball, and women are suffering for it. I see it all the time. For some reason women tell me things. I really have no idea why...
My point is I didn't really how big of a jackass I was until my marriage ended in divorce. I looked at all of my mistakes, and then I looked at my role as a father.
My marriage ended, but not before I was blessed to be the daddy of the world's cutest little girl. I saw her and realized I wanted to be shield her from the some of the jerks in the world who were just like me. I once saw a dude try to argue his way into a date with girl, like he was on the debate team. I hear time and time again about the clowns who cheat on their women or worse, and then what comes from all of that. And now I'm just kinda tired of hearing about it all. It's like some people have to go out of their way to go looking for trouble, as though a little peace and quiet was a bad thing.
I've got a lot to answer for myself, and I'm hoping God will be kind and aid me in moving on and limit the damage I've done in my own life, and whatever else I'm not thinking of at the moment. And if I'm able to end up in another relationship I'd expect that'd be nothing short of a miracle. But that isn't really all the point of all this. I started learning after my daughter was born, what sort of role model i wanted to be, and what sort of guy I wanted to protect her from. Namely, dudes like me..
I know I've probably seen it in a movie, or read it somewhere, but you really do everything you can to look out for your kid, pretty much as soon as you see the heartbeat for the first time. I realize she'll make her own decisions, but I'm gonna do all I can to help her make good decisions.
I write this as somebody who's made more than his fair shar of colossal mistakes. I wouldn't claim to be perfect, and maybe for the first time in my life, I realize the full weight of those failures. And really the ones that were the biggest were ones that came to women. I'm being a huge hypocrite for writing this, and it would surprise me if I got hate mail after this, but here goes.
I'm made a list of every woman I've come in contact with, some good, some bad, and...I'll just leave it at that.
1. The southern belle who is feisty, yet classy
2. The southern belle who is worse than Scarlett O'Hara
3. The unbelieveable wonderful girl who gets cheated on when she's got everything going for her, and her boyfriend/husband was a complete jackass.
4. The cute office manager girl who is losing her looks because she's stressed out at work all the time
5. The less attractive friend of the girl that the guys normally chase.
6. The fake out girl. (I don't remember what this mean, but its on the list)
7. The girl who is always looking for some white knight, but is constantly disappointed
8. The stoner chick
9. The nerdy girl
10. The dirty blonde, who goes to lake, and listens to alternative rock
11. The pretty girl who know she's pretty
12. The conscending hot girl who feels she "has" to be nice
13. The hot girl is who is genuinely nice, but marries the lawyer, or the doctor, because she's supposed to be on the cover of a home, or gardening magazine.
14. The cute girl, who for some reason doesn't have a boyfriend
15. The single mom
16. The no-nonsense girl
17. The no-nonsense girl who is something like an egg, a hard shell that's easy to crack
18. The girl who tells dirty jokes
19. The stunningly beautiful woman isn't as unapproachable or unattainable as you might think
20. The seemingly all business girl who has a great sense of humor, and for some reason lets you flirt with her
21. The cougar
22. The older woman (this is different than a cougar, as a cougar seems to give the idea of a woman looking to devour a younger man
23. The psycho (I'd say more but some guys know what I'm talking about)
I think I've covered them all, or checked them out, or dated them, and the funny thing is I think I know what all you women are thinking. I just don't know what to do with the information. Of course that hasn't made stop trying to figure that out. In my life I have an ex-girlfriend, an ex-fiancee, and an ex-wife. I've made my share of mistakes, and I've seen better men than me try to find a lasting relationship with a woman, and so I announce to you what you should already know. Men are scum. We are sheep, vultures, and snakes. We will take advantage of you, lie to you, shall I continue?
I wish I could say we had somebody to teach us how to be gentlemen and what not, but most of the people I look up to are dead. Sadly, my generation has dropped the ball, and women are suffering for it. I see it all the time. For some reason women tell me things. I really have no idea why...
My point is I didn't really how big of a jackass I was until my marriage ended in divorce. I looked at all of my mistakes, and then I looked at my role as a father.
My marriage ended, but not before I was blessed to be the daddy of the world's cutest little girl. I saw her and realized I wanted to be shield her from the some of the jerks in the world who were just like me. I once saw a dude try to argue his way into a date with girl, like he was on the debate team. I hear time and time again about the clowns who cheat on their women or worse, and then what comes from all of that. And now I'm just kinda tired of hearing about it all. It's like some people have to go out of their way to go looking for trouble, as though a little peace and quiet was a bad thing.
I've got a lot to answer for myself, and I'm hoping God will be kind and aid me in moving on and limit the damage I've done in my own life, and whatever else I'm not thinking of at the moment. And if I'm able to end up in another relationship I'd expect that'd be nothing short of a miracle. But that isn't really all the point of all this. I started learning after my daughter was born, what sort of role model i wanted to be, and what sort of guy I wanted to protect her from. Namely, dudes like me..
I know I've probably seen it in a movie, or read it somewhere, but you really do everything you can to look out for your kid, pretty much as soon as you see the heartbeat for the first time. I realize she'll make her own decisions, but I'm gonna do all I can to help her make good decisions.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Two forwards?
I've been back and forth about the format for the book revision. I keep editing my forward, and then I was thinking of another forward, and then an introduction to some of the past stories I did. I'm really leaning towards that right now. This anthology is really sort of a mess at this point, and I've yet to start a couple of other things yet. I really hate being so scattered, but that seems to be a theme with this project. Still I feel like I'm trying to organize a cloud of dust sometimes, I can barely see it, and can't get my hands on it...
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