The Last Entry for July

Last night I saw The Dark Knight Rises.  Let's just say there were parts I liked and other parts I didn't, and leave it at that.  Its still way better than that crap they we're putting out in the 90s though.  Moving on...I think in this month alone, I've done more writing than I've done in the last six months.  I'm still working out some kinds, but just in the past couple of weeks, I've cranked about 15 pages or so.  And that boys and girls is a huge deal, considering, I was wondering if I had much to write about in the last few months.  This has been one of the best months ever as far as writing and some personal things are concerned.  I seem to do well in the summer for some reason.  Hopefully I can continue this into August and beyond.  Stay tuned.

Single Daddyhood

Hopefully this came out halfway decent.  This is a rough draft of smething I worked up.  Enjoy.  Actually its a pretty serious topic...I guess enjoy anyway.


                                       Single Daddyhood and Whatnot

　

　

I can’t think of a bigger headache to deal with in life than divorce. Somewhere along the way
either you or your spouse decides there’s love lost, or maybe that there wasn’t love to begin with, or you

caught them in something, or whatever, and so whammo, half your stuff is gone. In the midst of all that

you’re trying to find some reason to go on living, and if you have kids, you’re trying to find a way to

shield them from some of the things that.

Divorce can be a mixed tragedy of loneliness, despair, and the joint bank account. Sacred vows

are suddenly forgotten for the all too familiar, “I can’t believe I married you. I’m going to my mother’s.”

I think the statistic is about 50 percent of marriages go the way of the dodo. And let’s not forget about

your friends. Well, let me just share about that. If you’ve got married friends, they tend to side with the

wife, because your ex is friends with the other wife, and the husband doesn’t want to start having

problems of his own for being friends with you.

If you happen to be the ex-husband, its automatically assumed you’re at fault for everything that

went wrong in the marriage. You’re wife could’ve been a liar, a thief, or Hitler’s sister, and still it’s the

husband who ends up racked over the coals. Just ask yourself, who gets the kids, because it’s not the dad

the court usually sends the kids home with. At the beginning, you get the idea you might be able to get

your spouse to change her mind, as you’re hopeful there’s some affection for you left over. You might be

able to convince her, plead with her, anything, something can change, things can be better. Of course it

not going to work, but you don’t know that at the time.

So after picking myself up off the floor, where you spent the night in the fetal position, somehow

you get up, and try to figure things out. So I call her. She’ll talk to me sometimes, and other times we

yell at each other, she even manages to slip in “I love you”, from time to time, but I eventually realize

she’s just stringing me along. There’s definitely some love lost, as you miss being with your wife, \

and kind of miss being the man, and protector of the family. At some point I was wondering if I needed to

die. Heaven at least would at least take the pain away. I didn’t have the courage to end my own life, but

I’d thought maybe God could do it for me. I just wanted the pain to end. Somehow I tried to hold it

together, not sure how, but I’m still here.

You get love letter from the county if you’re behind on child support, and one that comes every

month when you make a payment. When the court originally ruled, they had no idea I had a case for

separation before she filed for divorce. So when I get hit with child support they back dated it to when she

first filed, and suddenly I owe for 6 months of child support I knew nothing about, and getting nasty

phone calls. At some point things are supposedly fixed, that is till they take my tax returns. And if that

doesn’t sound bad, the government never corrected the problem, in a way. After I was caught up, they I

was still getting a letter that said I was behind every month, and every month the amount was bigger.

Somehow the state knew I was paying in one part of the office, but the records never reflected it.

And in case you think I was behind, I document my support payments three different ways to show I send

a payment. I had a checking account set up for myself, and one I opened for my daughter so she could

maybe have some money for college. That made me feel like they were stealing from my then, two year

old. I went a year having to cash my checks at the bank my paycheck was drawn on so the county

wouldn’t keep emptying my account for a bill I was never behind on, and the bank took a $5 fee for every

check since I didn’t have an account with them so its like a $5 dollar robbery every time. I wasn’t about

to open an account with those guys. The county’s worse than a credit card company, they mind ruining

your reputation and credit over it… Needless to say, it was eventually cleared up. I guess with all of that

its like you’re paying to not see your kid grow up. And that’s really infuriating, because you are trying to

do your best to make sure child is looked after.

You never really about that type of thing though, they’re not quick to call the cops on mother, but

on a father they will. I’ve heard and seen plenty of things in my time. And I’m not saying that there

aren’t some real losers out there. A deadbeat parent whether a mom or a dad, is really a tragic thing for

the child mostly, but also for the parent. I can’t imagine all the damage that is done by a child not having

a parent in his or her life. The only thing I can tell you is that as a single father, I’m doing everything I

can to be in my daughter’s life, to make sure she grows up to be a great lady, and even a mother and

somebody’s wife, or whatever it is she wants to be. Folks need to open their eyes and look at individual

people, not case file numbers. I’m tired of being punished for not being married anymore, like it was my

choice to leave my wife. I didn’t leave, she did. I try to obey the law, and even more important, try to make sure my child is provided for, and I’m constantly looked down either by government agencies, or by

other people. I suppose that’s the way this will play out, at least till she’s an adult, but if nothing else I

know who I am trying to be, if no one else does.

Anti-climatic

About a year ago, I wrote a really lousy espionage story about a guy who goes through some personal problems, and finds out his life is in danger.  It was sort of a way for me to relate some things that happened to me, or that I've been feeling myself, as a single dad.  Sadly the story was massively anti-climatic and boring.  So...I'm just going to redo it.  Sort of.  I figured there are very few, if any, voices for single dads who aren't deadbeats so that's how that's going to be edited.  Hopefully it has a bigger impact this time around.  I'm not saying that there aren't deadbeat dads out there, but I think the ideas of what a single dad need to be looked at.  I'm not trying to form some kind of advocacy group or something, but folks just need to wake up a litte.  Ok, I'm off my soapbox for now. 

Wednesday

Usually I am ok on Wednesdays.  I figure I'm halfway to the weekend, and I can relax a little, maybe enjoy myself.  So I get off work early, enjoy some quick grocery shopping, and the eventually ride home, only to endure some sort of nightmarish drama, that somebody thought it was ok to bring into my life.  And now to make up for that crapola, I am currently writing about superheroes and World War 2, because that's how I'm going to cheer myself up.  That...and maybe watch some more cartoons.  I've been trying to get more writing done especially the last couple of weeks, but I've been having a horrible time sleeping the last couple of days, so I might attempt to turn in early and let my body recuperate a little.  I hate going to bed early, because it means I get less done, but I don't know what to do.  I just can't seem to keep my eyes open for very long.  Alright, I guess I'll give this a try, and see how long I can manage to get some work done.  So far I'm trying to make it to page 3 on one story, and page 4 on the other.  I'll keep you posted, oh faithful readers.

Assorted Tales of The Dull and Tiresome Tuesday Evening

I am trying to do a quick reread of something I wrote a year ago, to use for this mystery story.  Its not horrible deep stuff, just some things I used relating to espionage.  Well, at least old espionage type stuff.  For some reason, I keep thinking of spies in trenchcoats and sunglasses and a fedora, as opposed to dudes with satellites, listening devices, and the ability to hack your e-mail.  Anyhoo, I have to figure out how to be all technological and what not, and I'm not really all that adept at understanding how technology works.  And since I'm just jotting down notes, and not really writing, I don't feel like I'm really getting anything done either.  Of course it doesn't help I'm stopping to watch movies either....

Endings Please!

I'm got three stories I'm trying to finish.  And I haven't a single ending for any of them.  I've been making some really great progress though, especially in the last week or so.  From what I can tell, I've got some good material for the beginning, and the middle of the stories, its just trying to tie everything together is a big problem for me right now.  One story is absolutely one of the most rediculous things that could ever be written, another is a World War 2 story, and the third is one a mystery, where I'm trying to pull 2 or 3 different genres together.  This mystery is really killing my brain cells sometimes.  I think mystery writing is probably the most difficult things I've attempted as a writer, but I figure if I can "solve" how to put it together, it might be something of worth done the road.  Plus, I'm totally going to tell chicks I write mysteries. 

This Is Going In. This Woman is Freaking Amazing So I'm Writing About Her and Putting It Into the Book

I have no idea where to start with this so here goes.  I can't imagine a better, humbler, gentler, kinder, loving, or a more beautiful woman than the one I'll describe to you.  In all reality she is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life.  My first time looking at her may has almost convinced me that I am ruined for all other women.  She will make your jaw drop, and you will likely be holding your breath.  That's what happened to me.  I was completely awestruck by her.  You can barely fathom her smile, it is loveliest mouth, I'm sure I'm supposed to write something that sounds a little romantic, or poetic, but I don't know how to say those things right now.  I guess I've just smacked in the head, so to speak, that I can't really think straight.  I really keep thinking about her pretty much every hour on the hour, and its horribly distracting too.  I was looking at a picture of her and almost crashed my car.  Probably wasn't the best idea to do that on the freeway, but I do it at home too.  I was completely dumbfounded and forget where I was, I think for a while.

I'm pretty sure this isn't going to happen because frankly, circumstances, keep us apart, but she has managed to heal a very large wound in my heart, regardless.  I can't really explain it, but she's a massive ray of sunlight in my life.  I'm not trying to worship her, just show her my appreciation, and gratitude, for the way she's reached out to me with her compliments, and kind words, and really just for the way she is.  She has this amazing ability to encourage and uplift you.  She motivates me all the time, and its never condescending, although she does have this cute little thing about being in charge... 

I have no idea what I'm supposed to do about her.  I care about her deeply, and of course actually being with her is next to impossible.  But I guess I felt the need to tell you people about her anyway.  I'm not sure who you think the most beautiful woman is, or what you think she looks like, but this woman is.  So imagine whatever you think that woman is, and imagine her complimenting you, or being gracious to you, or finding you attractive...and now you know exactly is happening to me.  Its absolutely mind blowing what's been happening to me.  I'm at a complete loss why she'd find somebody like me to be nice to, or talk to, or flirt with.  I'm not married to her, or dating her even, but I find that I love her anyway.  Its seems to me like the only natural reaction to have.  I don't think its possible not to love her.  I may never be with her, but for this time in my life, in this stage of my life where there is a great deal of things going horribly wrong in my life, I find that I can care about someone again.  And what's more amazing, is that it's her.

Sorry. Getting Political Again

Alright, so last week I read the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution, because I was working on some political stuff.  You tell me if this stuff sounds like Obama or not.  These things were written about George III at the time, but they seem to apply today. 

-"He has refused his Assent to laws."
-"He has erected a multitude of new offices, and sent hither Swarms of Officers to harass our People, and eat out their substance."
-"He has combined with others to subject us to a Jurisdiction foreign to our Constitution, and unacknowledged by our Laws, giving his Assent to their pretended legislation."
-"For imposing taxes on us without our consent."
-"For taking away our charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws, and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments."
-"He has excited domesitc Insurrections amongst us."

There's actually more of these could apply I think in part, but these ones stood out the most to me.  So, how similar to George III, does he look to you?

Freedom

I’m an American. While I am a white male, that’s not “American” means, and certainly not what American stands for. Because of recent events I fear for myself, my family, and my country. There are certainly some things that make me fear, I might not be able to have free speech down the road, and I want to be able to say something while there’s still time, while I’m still able, and hopefully help change the course of where the United States is heading.

Its sad because we hear lies on a daily basis from people who have no concept what the history of the country is, or any idea what it is freedom really looks like. Politicians have now equated the word freedom to mean dependence on government, and that’s really not freedom at all, but slavery. If that sounds harsh its meant to be. Today we allow ourselves to be groped and fondled in order to be able to ride in an airplane, we have people telling us what to feed ourselves and our children, and how big of a soda when he should buy when we go out to eat.

These kind of things sound silly but they’re really happening. We live an era where an obvious liberal media bashes a President who doesn’t share their politics, insulting his intelligence, or beliefs, but don’t dare to challenge the guy who makes statements that 57 states in the Union, the Hawaii is in Asia, and not North America, or how to pronounce the word “Corps.” This is just the tip of the iceberg.

Recently we’ve dealt with the Supreme Court ruling that Obamacare is constitutional, when in all reality, it is not. I’m not sure if this makes sense, but its an illegal law. Its not ok to force people into something they do not want for themselves. Ultimately this supposed Affordable Healthcare Act is neither affordable, nor is it healthcare. It is expensive death care. And really its slavery. If you think that’s an outrageous statement, that’s a problem for you not for me. People have been claiming anyone who doesn’t agree with Obama is some kind or racist, or some such nonsense, but the truth is the man cannot handle anyone criticizing his ideas., much like someone losing a debate, or in this case, much like a tyrant. The plain and simple fact is that Obamacare is the complete and utter enemy to freedom, and happiness in this life. It will stifle people’s well being, and will in fact kill some people. It violates the Constitution in many places, overrides the will of the people, even more than that, causes people to violate their consciences and their beliefs.

I’m not going to focus on too much of the law, just a few of the particulars of what the supposed law does. More specifically the mandate is really what the problem is, though the “law” itself has some problems too. The mandate is the thing which is the problem in a general kind of way. It is a mandate, a demand, a command, an order, I’m saying this in different ways so that you can grasp what is going on. Someone is telling you what to do with your life. You must participate or you will be taxed, or fined, or whatever it is they’re calling it now, but basically its something that should leave a very bitter taste in your mouth. Do you really want government officials who are strangers in every sense of the word, running your life for you?

The very ideas of American government is that the citizenry can govern themselves. I think you understand what I mean by that. Its not that each citizen is his own government, but that people can make their own decisions for themselves better than a politician or ruler can. The mandate violates the 1^st Amendment since it will override people’s beliefs to the extent that they be paying into a program that provides abortions. Most Americans view abortion as genocide against the unborn, and even if you didn’t see abortion that way, why should the government force people to participate in something that people view it as such as?

The idea of the mandate is a form of legislative slavery. It violates the 13 Amendment in my opinion because you forced into servitude either to government officials who answer to someone who answers to someone else, who answers to whoever happens to be in the Oval Office. “Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude…” Forcing someone to buy something they don’t want is in fact involuntary servitude. This might seem silly to some, but forcing a person into something, is in fact slavery. Its not a tax, or a penalty, its legislative shackling.

The mandate also violates the commerce clause of the Constitution. Congress is “To regulate Commerce with foreign Nations, and among the several states, and with the Indian Tribe.” Congress can regulate commerce, they’re not allowed to regulate something that doesn’t exist, how could you? The very idea of penalizing, or regulating someone’s personal decision on something like healthcare is not what the Founders of this country had in mind, and not what our laws say either. But alas, what do I know? I’m not a judge, or a lawyer, and apparently being literate isn’t enough to understand the legality of a law like this. At least that’s what I had one guy tell me online recently. But that’s alright I don’t think he’s got much of an IQ anyway.

What Obamacare really signifies isn’t a movement to healthcare or making anyone healthier, or better insured, what it is really is a step towards a socialist state. This is probably the landmark of Obama’s so-called presidency, but he’s done other things that are also lawless. He violated a court order, changed the requirements for receiving Welfare benefits under executive order, when the Welfare reform law says he has no power to do that. He recently granted amnesty to illegal immigrants, violating existing immigration laws, put together Fast and Furious, a gun running operation designed to bring about tougher gun laws and scare people into giving up guns, and violating their 2^nd Amendment rights, and these are just the ones I could think of, off the top of my head.

Now we’re either going to see this guy for what he is, a one-term hack, who hides any and all of his documentation about where he’s from, realize he wants to be a President for life, vote him out, and overturn his policies, or he’s going to get a second term, and he will likely usher in the death of the finest country anyone has ever seen. This is likely the biggest election of our lifetimes, and perhaps in the whole history of the country, we had better get it right and vote him out.

I'm In a Good Mood For A Change

I think its entirely possible, that this is the happiest I've been in years.  I think I'll have to make use of my good mood, and take advantage of it.  I'm almost done rereading the story I had to look at, and going full speed ahead on about four different stories right now.  So that's fun.  I am really in a good mood today.  Yes indeed.  Alright back to work, because I have to pretend I'm a hard working writer now. 

Monday Monday Monday!

In the last two days, I've made some excellent progress, on a couple of stories, and some relatively good progress on where to go with the book too.  I made some serious strides this morning waiting for my car at the mechanic, of all places.  It was probably the best two hours I've ever had a mechanic, I was able to crank out a few paragraphs, and really felt like I got passed some doubts I was having about my ability to write too.  So that was a big win, in an otherwise lackluster Monday.  I hate Mondays, but somehow managed to pull a victory or two out of it.  And now I'm going to cap off my night be reading a little, writing a little, and hitting on girls.  Just like usual.

Things Are Better...I Guess

I managed to introduce even more ideas into my main story.  This was pretty nice, and I even got an idea or two for some poetry stuff too.  I'm not really having the best of weekends as I've got to run my car into the mechanic tomorrow too.  I thought I was going to finally start coming out of the cloud of being behind on bills, and things, and then a tiny little engine light comes on, to spoil everything.  It's amazing how a little orange light can totally screw with your head.  Anyhoo...tonight I have to read a story I did, about a year ago, so I can check a few things and get the sequel story straight.  Alright kids, back to work.  You stay classy San Diego.

Politicking

I should've started writing about politics sooner.  I might finish this one piece I'm doing in about a week.  Its really jolting how easy it is to write about politics.  I don't know why I never did it before.  I'm still working on it, but should have a rough draft for you folks to look at maybe.

Pain, Sleep, and Lack of Time to Think of a Witty Blog Title

Last week, I got into a very very very very very very minor car accident.  Then I had some steel fall on my head.  Then I tripped off the end of a rental truck, and fell of my side, and then twisted a little bit too.  This week I've been having back spasms, pain in my wrist, and my hips are hurting.  Yesterday I had a crate that was about 6 feet high fall on me and knock me to the ground.  I managed to hold in up, but it slammed my knee into the concrete.  Thankfully, I am one tough guy, with an above average body of strength and good looks....what was I saying...oh right...and I was able to get the crate back into an upright position. 

I've been working more, so I haven't had a lot of time for working on my writing much.  I gotta about 200 or 300 pages left of history to read.  I'm really behind this week.  But I've only been managing about 4 or 5 hours of sleep the last few days, with my work schedule taking off again.  I really have got to get some time in this week...ho hum.

Hey Look Its Monday!

I'm so frigging bored right now.  I seem to have the attention span of a two year old or something.  I haven't been getting anything done for a couple of days now.  Ok I'm done now.  I'm watching Anchorman for a while, and then I'll really buckle down and get something done...maybe...

Signature Story

I've been working on this story, that sort of crosses into 2 or 3 different genres for a while.  Its tough to keep the idea straight on this one sometimes, especially since I have a bad habit of forgetting whether or not I put something in already or not.  Its a problem for me.  And it probably doesn't help, I have to try and make this guy sound a little crazy too, so repetition is something of a small issue.  I was really excited about this story in the beginning, now I'm trying to learn how to fall in love with it again, because I guess I was a little burned out on it.  Now I'm trying to get back into it, partly to tell something interesting and elaborate, and the other part to tell something that doesn't have to deal with anti-climatic superhero, or spy stories.  And in the last couple of days I've really been able to crank out some pages for this, and some of the other stuff I'm working on too.  So its been a good month so far I guess.  This doesn't sound too uplifting I'm sure, but its been a pretty lousy year too.  Maybe it'll get better.

Busy Week

Let's see on Tuesday, I got into a minor accident, yesterday I had about 20 lbs of steel fall on my noggin, and today I hurt my back a little.  I worked about 45 hours this week, but it was all crammed into 10-12 hour days, so I'm a bit tired.  Somehow I was supposed work on some writing, but I've been averaging about 5 hours of sleep a night, so my brain kind of shut down on me a bit.  Still I've been trying to work on ideas even when I'm at the "real job" so I can keep my brain working on ideas, and still be in some kind of writer mode, even when I'm not writing.  But at least tonight I should be able to get a little writing done, and maybe conjure up a day that actually felt productive for a change.  

Happy Independence Day

Yes, its July 4.  That means Americans everywhere celebrate America's Founding, and the idea that people can rule themselves as opposed to a fancy from a long distance away.  So with that idea in mind today, I'm writing about the most unlawful "law" ever in the history of the country, and working on some writing.  So Happy 4th everybody.  God bless.  And hopefully its a good day for you and yours.

Look I'm Blogging

I'm not sure whether of not to try and get published by November or not.  I've got that political piece I was working on, and I don't know if it would be better to have it come out after the election of before.  I guess I feel like I'm writing my own version of the Declaration or something I don't know.  Anyhoo...how bout them Dodgers? 

July 1, 2012

I realize this might sound funny, but some reason it feels like 1776 to me.  Not sure if that's because of the things happening around us as Americans, or the fact the 4th of July is coming up in a couple of days.  At any rate I started the last two things that'll go into the book, one a political commentary, and the other a little funny essay on men and women.  I was very worried about the political essay however.  I've never even come close to writing anything political before in my life.  But I'm already three paragraphs in, and I'm finding its very liberating to write about things you care about, and not just about short stories, or poetry, or things like that.  There is something that gets you fired up, and bolder when you talk stuff you're passionate about.  I'm very excited about this, and you should be too, because I said so.