Writing

I'm supposed to be writing tonight.  But alas, I have nothing of significance to contribute to my silly little book.  So I'm note-taking and reading instead.  But let's be honest that's part of the process too.  A big part I don't particularly enjoy, but a part anyway.  Note taking, brain storming, or whatever you want to call is the most boring thing to me, as far as writing goes.  I just wanna tell a story, but I guess its one of those things that help you tell a great tale, so here I am pushing through the muck.  As usual.  I guess even doing things you love require some hard work sometimes.

Good Friday

I have three new stories for the revision, which is just great, because I'm gonna try and make this my sort of my defining work I think.  I'm trying to shoot high with this book, and sort of get all my good stuff, if I have any, into one big thing, I can take some pride in, and sort of put my signature on.  As far books go, this might be the project of projects, as I might start branching out into scripts, and smaller things that might not leave me time to do a project like this anytime soon.  So that's it.  I'm starting to feel like I'm getting really close to getting all the ideas together, now I just gotta actually write them all.  Good times

Love Letter I guess

This is an early draft of a letter I wrote for probably the prettiest girl I've ever seen in my entire life.  I'm kind of a big romantic putz, so its going to my little poetry section of my anthology coming later.  Is it wierd blogging a love letter?  Is it wierd I'm nervous about her seeing it?  Anyhoo, here goes. 


I'm not sure if this is a love letter or a poem.  I don't know much about her.  I see her everyday, and everytime I do, I'm completly unstable.  Her eyes have to be the most disarming thing a man can see in his lifetime.  I could stare at them and almost forget everything around me. 

I'm sure that this could be a cliche, but there is little doubt that she is the most stunning girl I've ever seen in my life.  I don't know what she believe's in, or what your favorite song, or movie is, or what you like to do for fun.  But you have to see that smile of hers, that gorgeous face, and the long and lovely hair that is perfect on her, and you'd see what I see, someone who's likely the best candidate for a love at first sight if I ever saw one.

Quandry

I'm having a hard time getting things done this week, but I was encouraged too.  I've been trying to piece some things together for a mystery story.  I think its sort of a wierd experience writing a mystery, because you know the solution to the puzzle, but you're trying to figure what clues to leave.  Its sort solving a mystery in reverse.  You have to start with the premise, and work backwards, and sprinkle clues in certain places, when in reality crooks are doing their best to hide any clues about who they are.  The problem I'm having at this point is giving intricate clues for one mystery I'm writing.  The other one is a World War II story, and I'm not sure what foundation to build with this one yet.  I might be ok with this though, since its better than having nothing to write about. 

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Happy St. Patrick's Day.  I have no idea what this day is for apart from people having an accuse to get drunk and bring up the same old Irish stereotypes?  And when are they going to update the word "stereotype"?  Isn't it time we call it mp3playertype?  Or ipodtype?  Or here's a good one how about surroundsoundtype?  Is any of this making sense?

March 1st

I made some more progress today, as I was busy coming up with some more ideas for my next story.  This project is funny, because I have no idea what I want to do with it fully.  Right now I've been leaning towards a sci-fi bent, but I'm still not sure yet. I've been researching like crazy the last several months, hoping to get an idea on where to take the story.  I've been reading a some history, and some old Army manuals, and books on real life espionage so I have a little idea what I'm talking about.  I want to tell the best spy story/mystery that I can think of, and really that anybody's heard of.  I'm sure I've mentioned this once or twice, but that's really the standard for this story.  I can't say that enough I think.  I really think I' need to hammer this point home for myself, if I can't write something good, why write at all. 

Reading for Today

Finished another book today.  Thought it was gonna be a good one, but not so much.  It was a little book on criminalogy, and I was a little disappointed.  All it talked about really was fingerprinting.  This book did not turn me into Sherlock Holmes, so now I'm a little mad.

Happy Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day.  I guess that's it. 

This Going in the book Too.

(This is going in the book too, pending some editing of course)



A Letter to My Daughter



Its entirely likely that you might not think very highly of me. Granted, I’m not a perfect man, by any stretch of the imagination. There maybe was a time when I might’ve even considered myself at least a good man, but I really don’t anymore. I’m just a guy, with more failings than I would’ve imagined, or thought possible. I was hoping to give you some pearls of wisdom, but lets be honest. I’m not sure you’re really ready for them right now, and I’m not sure I’m particularly all that wise anyway. You are only three right now, so we’re still kind of beginning somewhat, you as a child, and me as a parent.

I know you’ll make your own decisions in life, marriage, career, family, faith, and everything, and somehow I’m supposed to help you prepare for all that. That’s really kind of laughable though if you think about it. I’ve failed at everything I’ve ever done, and failed as a man more times than I count. The only thing I can really do is show you how to pick somebody that’s not like me. The silly thing about this is, probably by the time you read this, hopefully I’ve shown how to avoid ending up like me, and finding somebody that will really care about you, and look out for you.

I have loved you since I first saw your little heart light up in that ultrasound. You looked like a gummy bear that was glowing in the dark, or something. It was one of the most amazing things I’d ever seen in my life. Seeing you born topped that of course, you were just this tiny little person, I had never been around somebody so small before. I guess I kind of took on a roll as your protector from that moment on. Its so weird how in a split second you become a defender of somebody, who just suddenly appeared all of a sudden.

Being your dad, has turned me into something I didn’t know I could be. I had suddenly become your protector and defender. I think that comes with looking out for someone smaller than you, and really from seeing your child face to face for the first time. So I thank you, for having such a massive impact, that words are only occasionally able to express properly. Having a child come into the world is one of the single greatest things that can happen to you. There is nothing but unimaginable happiness, and tremendous worry at making sure that someone so fragile is protected and looked after. Its sort of a feeling that stays with you, even as I grow older, and as you do too.

I remember that I wanted to be the first to hold your hand. And somewhere in there, you grabbed my finger with your little hand. You had the most pitiful sounding crying too. Every time I hear you cry, it makes me want to cry too. Anyway you’ve really started the process of leaving being a small baby, to being a toddler, and little lady. It’s a joy to be your daddy, and a delight to see you with this boundless energy that you have, and pass on to others.

I suppose I’m really writing this with two different times in mind. The one now where you’re still just kind of starting on life in many ways, and the time down the road, where you’re learning to drive, and going to college, or something, and looking to do what it is you feel God called you to do. I’m hoping that I’m doing what I can to prepare you for life. So I guess we’ll see how it goes. In life you will find people who will love you, and people who will try to destroy you, but you will always have your daddy in your corner to defend, and help you through whatever decisions you make.

I am not a perfect man, and hope I will have done my best in raising you. But for now you’re just a three year old, still new to life in many ways. And I just wanted to tell you that whatever comes your way, I love you.







Love,

Daddy.

I'm Not Sure What to Call This Yet

(this is a first draft, and a part of my book that's dedicated to my daughter)




I write this as somebody who's made more than his fair shar of colossal mistakes.  I wouldn't claim to be perfect, and maybe for the first time in my life, I realize the full weight of those failures.  And really the ones that were the biggest were ones that came to women.  I'm being a huge hypocrite for writing this, and it would surprise me if I got hate mail after this, but here goes. 

I'm made a list of every woman I've come in contact with, some good, some bad, and...I'll just leave it at that. 

1. The southern belle who is feisty, yet classy
2. The southern belle who is worse than Scarlett O'Hara
3. The unbelieveable wonderful girl who gets cheated on when she's got everything going for her, and her boyfriend/husband was a complete jackass. 
4. The cute office manager girl who is losing her looks because she's stressed out at work all the time
5. The less attractive friend of the girl that the guys normally chase.
6. The fake out girl.  (I don't remember what this mean, but its on the list)
7. The girl who is always looking for some white knight, but is constantly disappointed
8. The stoner chick
9. The nerdy girl
10. The dirty blonde, who goes to lake, and listens to alternative rock
11. The pretty girl who know she's pretty
12. The conscending hot girl who feels she "has" to be nice
13. The hot girl is who is genuinely nice, but marries the lawyer, or the doctor, because she's supposed to be on the cover of a home, or gardening magazine.
14. The cute girl, who for some reason doesn't have a boyfriend
15. The single mom
16. The no-nonsense girl
17. The no-nonsense girl who is something like an egg, a hard shell that's easy to crack
18. The girl who tells dirty jokes
19. The stunningly beautiful woman isn't as unapproachable or unattainable as you might think
20. The seemingly all business girl who has a great sense of humor, and for some reason lets you flirt with her
21. The cougar
22. The older woman (this is different than a cougar, as a cougar seems to give the idea of a woman looking to devour a younger man
23. The psycho (I'd say more but some guys know what I'm talking about)

I think I've covered them all, or checked them out, or dated them, and the funny thing is I think I know what all you women are thinking.  I just don't know what to do with the information.  Of course that hasn't made stop trying to figure that out.  In my life I have an ex-girlfriend, an ex-fiancee, and an ex-wife.  I've made my share of mistakes, and I've seen better men than me try to find a lasting relationship with a woman, and so I announce to you what you should already know.  Men are scum.  We are sheep, vultures, and snakes.  We will take advantage of you, lie to you, shall I continue?

I wish I could say we had somebody to teach us how to be gentlemen and what not, but most of the people I look up to are dead.  Sadly, my generation has dropped the ball, and women are suffering for it.  I see it all the time.  For some reason women tell me things.  I really have no idea why... 
My point is I didn't really how big of a jackass I was until my marriage ended in divorce.  I looked at all of my mistakes, and then I looked at my role as a father. 

My marriage ended, but not before I was blessed to be the daddy of the world's cutest little girl.  I saw her and realized I wanted to be shield her from the some of the jerks in the world who were just like me.  I once saw a dude try to argue his way into a date with girl, like he was on the debate team.  I hear time and time again about the clowns who cheat on their women or worse, and then what comes from all of that.  And now I'm just kinda tired of hearing about it all.  It's like some people have to go out of their way to go looking for trouble, as though a little peace and quiet was a bad thing.

I've got a lot to answer for myself, and I'm hoping God will be kind and aid me in moving on and limit the damage I've done in my own life, and whatever else I'm not thinking of at the moment.  And if I'm able to end up in another relationship I'd expect that'd be nothing short of a miracle.  But that isn't really all the point of all this.  I started learning after my daughter was born, what sort of role model i wanted to be, and what sort of guy I wanted to protect her from.  Namely, dudes like me.. 

I know I've probably seen it in a movie, or read it somewhere, but you really do everything you can to look out for your kid, pretty much as soon as you see the heartbeat for the first time.  I realize she'll make her own decisions, but I'm gonna do all I can to help her make good decisions. 

Two forwards?

I've been back and forth about the format for the book revision.  I keep editing my forward, and then I was thinking of another forward, and then an introduction to some of the past stories I did.  I'm really leaning towards that right now.  This anthology is really sort of a mess at this point, and I've yet to start a couple of other things yet.  I really hate being so scattered, but that seems to be a theme with this project.  Still I feel like I'm trying to organize a cloud of dust sometimes, I can barely see it, and can't get my hands on it...

2012

I recently decided to postpone going back for a master's degree, until I can shore up my finances a bit more, and until I've finished the 10,000 pages or so I'm doing in research for some writing projects.  Its only about 20-30 books, so I figure a book every week to week and a half and I should have them all finished by the end of the year.  And I'm hoping to have the rough drafts on a couple of projects done as well.  I think this going to be great opportunity to focus on one goal instead of two or three, and let me put my sole attention on writing.  O.k. thats it I'm done talking now.

Jackpot

I think I may have come up with the centerpiece to my book revision.  It's a new story, with some cool plot ideas I've been toying with for a while.  I get very antsy with stuff so I want to make sure it all comes together the right, but it could be the one story I've been looking to tell for quite a while now.  Its funny, because I think the story itself sort of reflects a lot of things I've sort of had rattling around in the head for a while.  And I think its stuff I care about.  So its good motivation to make sure its written right, and leave everything on the table if that makes sense. 

New and Improved Preface

A while ago I put the preface to my book revision on here, but I think I like this one better.


In 2009, I went through a divorce. Yes I know not very uplifting. It was a very confusing time,
as many who’ve been divorced might tell you. Your brain kind of shuts down with something like that.  Somewhere along the way, I figured I needed to move on with my life, and tried my hand at writing. In 2011, I ended self-publishing a book of short stories, and poetry, and a letter to my daughter who is as of right now, will soon be four years old. The whole idea was really for me to try and mix my love of spy stories, and throw in some real world experience of what I’d been dealing with, in regards to divorce and things like that. So…the stories were kind of horrible, but at the end of it I was able to say that I’d written a book. This time however I added some stuff, and included those not so fantastical stories for you. And then at the end I put a new story, and the letter to my daughter, and a letter to someone else, you’re going to have to read it if you want to know who…see what I did there?
   Even though life is a complete train wreck, I’m still trying to strive for something. Not sure what
really, or why, but I’m just trying to do what I can. This is the book I should’ve done, and really have
wanted to do my whole life. I’m sure its got flaws, and is filled with lot of stupid, whiny feelings or
whatever. But that’s the way it goes sometimes. Thanks for making it this far into a preface, I usually
don’t read these myself, but if you made it this far, maybe you actually bought the book, and that’s good for my royalty check.


-Steven Dumas

This Is Going to Be the Preface to My Book Revision-(Kind of Self-Explaining Title)

I wrote a book called If That’s Your Real Name. Don’t go out and buy it. It sucks. I wrote a
couple of short stories I thought were good at the time, and looking back…they aren’t at all. I was writing to say I did something, and to try and climb out a massive life engulfing pit I’ve been in. It’s a horrible, horrible read. Somehow this book is supposed to be better than that one, but let’s be honest, I’m reprinting those little gems out of that book in this one so that you can see for yourself, what I’m talking about. I thought it might make a good monument to lousy writing.
    And I think it this maybe the book that I’ve wanted to write. Oh sure, its got some of my less
than great writings in it, but its me on paper. And that’s what I want to do, leave a message that covers
everything I can think, touch on everything I care about, and squeeze as much out of everything, say
the things that don’t get said, or that are overlooked. Quite the run-on sentence. So. Hopefully you can see if I got any better and hopefully I can see the royalty check.

I Have No New Year's Resolutions

I have prided myself on the fact that I have absolutely no New Year's resolutions.  That's right, I just maintain that same level of excellence year in, and year out... Actually I just have never found the point in trying to do some cliche thing like trying to diet, or run a marathon or something.  If you're not going to make some kind of effort even before a new year starts, the impact of a  new year starting ain't going to matter more than maybe a month.  I'm looking to redo my book, which while I thought I had it edited ended up being pretty crappy.  So I'm trying to do something about now, and have been for a little while trying to "fix" it.  Why wait till 2012 when 2011 isn't over?  Of course 2011 only has one week left in it...

It's Christmas

Bah humbug.  Apparently I'm in the mood for writing, as I started work on one of my projects for my book revision.  I really can't say too much right noe, but its likely after women read it, I'm not going to be well liked by women for a while.

Wow

I'm at the point where, I'm not sure I care too much today. Nope, nope, nope, just tired of life today.  I tried to be a little productive, but just haven't been getting a lot done.  I am unmotivated today.  And on top of that the complete stupidity of the trade/non-trade involving Chris Paul to the Lakers was a complete fiasco.  Don't know what to say I am in a funk of all funks... I am really looking forward to a new year, with new things, new projects, that I'm trying to get excited about.  Maybe its just the cold weather thats making me grumpy. 

2012

I'm thinking next year may be the biggest of my life.  I've got some projects, that should get finished, and I'm hoping to try and go back to school, and get a master's degree too.  Also a girlfriend would be nice too...

After Thanksgiving Motivation

I am completely unmotivated right now.  Don't want to do anything.  I think I'd just like to vegitate and actually have a day where I'm doing nothing at all...  I'm not really a big fan of Thanksgiving, and now I'm trying to recuperate from that.   Oh well...  Back to the grindstone.  I got my project list up to about 20, maybe I should actually take some time, and work on some them...  I can almost say that without laughing now.